How did I not know this was happening?

One of the most disorienting parts of betrayal trauma is not just the betrayal itself—it’s what it does to your sense of reality.You may find yourself asking:

• “How did I miss the signs?”

• “Was I blind?”

• “Can I even trust my own judgment anymore?”

This internal spiral can be more painful than the truth you’ve uncovered.

You're Not Crazy. You Were Trusting.

If you’ve experienced betrayal—especially from someone you loved deeply—you’re likely reeling not only from what they did, but also from the shock of how unaware you were. You might question everything: your memories, your gut instincts, even your intelligence.

But let’s be clear: Betrayal is an intentional act of deception, not a reflection of your inadequacy. Trusting someone who deliberately concealed the truth doesn't make you naive or foolish—it makes you human. You were showing up with love, not suspicion. That’s not a flaw. That’s integrity.

The Pain of Doubting Yourself

Betrayal often fractures your relationship with yourself. You may stop trusting your gut. You may second-guess your decisions or feel like you can’t rely on your own discernment anymore. This self-doubt can leak into every area of life—relationships, parenting, work.

This is trauma talking. And healing is possible.

How to Begin Trusting Yourself Again

Here are a few gentle steps to begin rebuilding your internal compass:

1. Recognize the Gaslighting If you were lied to or misled, you may have been subtly (or overtly) gaslighted. Acknowledge that your instincts were likely speaking—you just had someone actively working to discredit them.

2. Honor What You Did Know Maybe you felt something was off. Maybe you were tired, busy, or too loyal to dig deeper. Instead of blaming yourself, try asking: What was I needing or hoping for at that time? Compassion helps more than criticism.

3. Practice Self-Validation Instead of outsourcing your sense of truth, begin affirming your own feelings and perceptions—even if others disagree. You don’t need a consensus to know your truth.

4. Connect with Others Who Understand Whether it’s a mentor, coach, or group like After the Break, surrounding yourself with people who get it can bring grounding and clarity. You are not the only one who has ever felt like you've lost herself in the aftermath of betrayal.

5. Give Yourself Time Rebuilding self-trust isn’t instant. But every time you listen to your gut, make a clear choice, or speak your truth—you’re strengthening the foundation again.

You Weren’t Broken. You Were Betrayed.

There’s a difference. And that difference matters. You didn’t lose your discernment—you lost your footing because someone pulled the rug out from under you.

But you can reclaim it. You are not crazy. You are wise, capable, and learning to trust yourself again—and that is powerful.

At After the Break, we walk beside you with empathy, lived experience, and the belief that your story doesn’t end in pain. You get to decide what healing looks like. We simply help you get there.

Ready to take the next step? 📩 Explore our mentoring options here.